Balance?

“Back in the day” I would select a word each year to contemplate, study and ponder in an attempt find the deeper understanding and integrate that word into my life. Somewhere around 2000 I chose the word “balance”. After a year of contemplation I found balance to be invaluable, but I also found that if I wasn’t careful balance could also cause me to become stagnate. Nothing big comes in, nothing big goes out, nothing big upsets and nothing brought big joy. “Balance” had the potential to make my life taste like vanilla ice cream. Then I met my friend Thunder who likes to say “can’t be too big!” (which I have translated to “forget balance”).

As part of our Astanga Yoga practice, we are being taught the concept of Pratyahara. This is the practice of controlling our senses in a way that things outside our selves do not disturb us. When we walk out to see that the cold, fog, wind and rain have rolled in we do not recoil or complain, we simply notice. When we walk out and see the bright full moon, stars and dark black night we do not sing praises of joy, we simply notice. A smelly pile of cow dung is to have no more effect on us that the scent of the jasmine strands in the market place (see pic). Pratyahara sorta feels like always staying in balance.

I am not always so good at Pratyahara, and I’m not sure I want to be. While I would love to not be offended by the scent of that pile of dung, I do not wish to loose the breathtaking response I felt on my walk to yoga this morning with the sunrise on the horizon, fog hanging on the distant hills, glowing early morning blue sky and the beautiful sliver of a smiling Cheshire cat type moon. Why would I not allow myself to be captivated by this external happening? Why would I not stop, marvel and admire such a beautiful site?

Because, they say, I will then be more disturbed the next time it is rainy, windy, cold and miserable, or I step in that pile of dung.

And, there are things here that are disturbing me; personalities, the lack of toast, eggs and orange juice, showering in the cold, cold mornings, personalities, missing my family and friends, my feet being so consistently cold, skipping a trip out to dinner because I needed to study, the horrid taste of the medicines, and a few of the personalities (did I already mention that one?).

But in the reverse I am aglow with the beautiful terrain, the varied weather, my bodies reaction to all this yoga, the new food experiments, the people, the way the gardener takes care of the luscious gardens, the way the owners care for me, the girls at the school and the beauty of their ideas of peace, the conversations with the “young bloak from England”, my wildly vivid dreams, Mohan calling me Kimmie Kimmie and Chiggon singing in my ear “I love you Kim, I love you true”, teaching yoga, my grades (so far), my hot water bottled filled with hot mint tea, the gifts I found for Kayla and her family for Christmas, and the rare but spontaneous chats I have with people back home on facebook.

I spoke with Matt this morning and I was venting a bit. He asked “so is the experience good or is it bad?”. I said it has both, and its really hard work and he said, “isn’t anything worth having hard work?”.

Perhaps if I were better at Pratyahara, I wouldn’t respond when it is sometimes difficult, sometimes fabulous and sometimes profound. I would just simply notice (naaa, that doesn’t sound like me).

And besides, I’m too busy being excited and anticipatory and in awe. I am on the daily count down to being done with the yoga course. Another week and, in the words of Buzz Lightyear, “we’re outtttaaaaaa here!”. I’ve talked with lots of people about what I might want to do next, where I might want to go, and where I might find more people interested in the Peace Project. Everyone is pointing me to Kerela. So, I’m creating a bit of an itinerary (not too much, I’m gonna go with the flow), but we’ll see what’s next.

The work with the girls and the school went extremely well. The girls surprisingly understood the concept and what I was asking. (I say surprisingly because I had relatively little time to explain and had anticipated needing to give them more direction). I’m working to put together a little slide show to give you a sampling, but currently I am attaching a spontaneous video that we made (I have a bunch like this one, but this is one of my favorites). I will be spending more time with them next weekend before I leave. Of course the school is hopeful that the ultimate end project will help produce some funds (that is the children’s book I plan to write utilizing the photos that students take). One of the buildings that housed classrooms and more importantly the kitchen has been condemned and they are in serious need of a new building (see pic). We’ll see what we can raise!

It’s been fun too seeing the enthusiasm that the project has created here at the retreat center. The owners got captivated by the project, people gave gifts for me to give to the girls, loaned me their cameras, and nightly dinner conversation was often times about the project. I now have friends in both Egypt and South Africa who would like me to come do the same project in their areas. Now THAT is something to get excited about (forget pratyahara!).

Today’s yoga test is over and done. It was all about anatomy and we had a ridiculous amount to learn in one week. I’m really not too concerned, it will be what it will be (oo, that sounds Pratyaharaish!). The good news is I’m excited to have the next day and a half with no classwork, just a couple yoga classesJ (oops, no pratyahara after all). Instead I think I’ll go to town and see just how Big I can be (thanks Thunder).