More on Marriage in India

Siddartha talks to me about some of the deep seated problems that continue to hold this country back. He says arranged marriages are one of them. He explains that what these marriage really are is cattle trading. The sons are thought of as cows, and the fathers are anxious to sell them off to the highest bidder. Sons are a financial commodity, not because they will help support the family through their labor, but because the good ones bring a higher price. Anup’s father is currently thinking about selling him. He is only 16.

He says these marriages that do not include love are very painful, especially to the women. The women are kicked around “like a football”, and made to serve the mens every need, and to tolerate all sorts of abuse and behavior from their husbands. This causes a very negative family life, and the pain is just repeated over and over again. Siddartha has announced to his family that he will not be sold into marriage. His father is disappointed as he would bring a very good price, but Siddartha says he’ll get over it.

With all of his talking about the subject, he has not been able to change the minds of his older students. This is a deeply rooted cultural belief that is very difficult to change. He believes this sort of change will come with the very young ones, primarily the orphans that he has the greatest influence on. Anup says the arrangement of the marriage is okay, and he wants his father to choose, but he is going to insist that he get to meet the girl first so that they can “interview” one another to make sure what they want in life is the same. He also says he is still paying off his debt for what he was required to give to his sisters dowry. What he is really hoping for is to become a monk, and then he will not need to marry (although many monks do marry, he says those are “fake” monks, and he will be a “real” monk)

Siddartha a an agent of change. Bless him.